Replacing Guilt with Compassion

It’s 5am and my thoughts are racing as I reach for my cellphone to turn off the blaring alarm. “I can’t go in today,” I think as I am flooded with anxiety followed by the guilt, shame, and personal judgment at this truth. I make a choice to call in after I spend 30 minutes trying to conjure the right message to my boss without saying, “my cup is empty and I cannot show up for work today”. Instead, I choose the more “appropriate response”. “I’m really sick with a cold”. Two truths and a lie.

Making the decision to honor Me is still hard. My inner critic yells until their red in the face taunting me with slithering words like “you’re a loser, you’re lazy, you’re unreliable, you’re weak”. Always following up with, “maybe if you worked harder, you’d be there already”. As if this would motivate me?

Today was different however. Instead of judging my body’s desperate call for a day of solitude and rest, I listened. I honored the calling. I honored my needs. Instead of feeling guilty for my decision, I felt proud of myself for listening.

Now, more than ever, my healing journey challenges me to put myself first without guilt, shame, or judgment. Today’s post will not have a “to-do” list of steps on how to come on this journey with me. Honoring my needs is new. I’m not entirely sure a method on how to do it, but today I did it. Today I won.

So today, my call of action is simple. Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry, rest when you are tired, connect when you are lonely, and be patient when your inner critic is dysregulated. Follow up with the harsh words with words that are kind, honest, and gentle.

Question: What needs do you judge yourself for having? What needs have you been neglecting for fear of putting yourself first? Comment below if you feel inspired. ***

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